Leave

As I watch her slowly walk towards the gates..

I feel that the sight of her is gradually turning dim and cloudy.
My heart felt an involuntary jolt of wretchedness.
So sudden I was practically unprepared for it.

What I thought I had in control is finally letting loose. But I am determine to conceal it all away.

We hugged and said goodbye.

But deep inside my heart I knew I was expecting something.
What is it I keep asking myself.

Isn't this better?
Maybe more words?
Those that people often say when they are leaving?
Or was it more tears?
As it seems almost natural for this kind of occasion?

I look down at the steaming hot cup of coffee that I have been grasping.
Funny I almost did not feel its existence. Only momentarily.

I took a long sip, warily, cautious to not let it burn my tongue.
It instantly warm up the pathway from my throat down to my stomach.
And it feels nice.
I hadn't even realise that I had been shivering, not from the cold, but from something unfathomable.

I tried to concentrate hard on the cup of coffee, just so I don't have to look at her step by step getting more and more distant from where she first had been.
The sight of her walking away, her size seems to be getting smaller and smaller, as he stood beside me watching her.

I let my mind wandered for a little while.
I wandered what was he thinking?
Had he already missed her?

He transfix his eyes on her, making sure she walk through those gates, only then allowing his eyes to look away.
Even that, it looks reluctant.

I thought I would have felt better than this.
But why am I not?